Newborns are helpless when you bring them home from the hospital. We set Juliana in a bouncy sea and stared at her. Now what? She was dependent on us for everything and we were scared that we would mess up. I didn’t realize that was this easy phase when all that mattered was food, sleep, dry diapers and lots of snuggles. The hard questions hadn’t even started.
She was 8 months old when we put her in a daycare program. When I dropped her off on the first day she didn’t cry, but I did – all day long. I was aching to see her when work ended for the day and I was relieved to find her smiling and happy. She was happy there for 2 years until we made a decision to pull her out with no warning and move her to a new program where she didn’t know anyone. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t go to her old school and it took a while for her to adjust to the new environment. Being a parent includes making difficult decisions in the best interest of your children. In this case we definitely made the right choice.
Juliana was 3 when the boys were born and that was a hard year. I knew that it would be a difficult adjustment, but I wasn’t prepared for how mad she would be at me and how long it would go on…sometimes I think she is still getting used to sharing me with her brothers. No matter how hard I work to make sure that she gets one-on-one time and special outings, it’s not enough for her. Most mornings she asks if she can stay home with me “I need a mommy day” and she promises that she will be quiet so I can work…but I know that quiet for Juliana comes in short spurts followed by lots of chatter and requests and calls for attention. So I drop her off at her summer program and sometimes she is in tears when I leave. Being a working mom is hard sometimes.
We were so happy the day that Juliana’s number was pulled in the lottery for the charter school we wanted. That single moment changed a lot for us and I was so relieved. We love everything about the school. While touring the school, all I could think was I wish I would have gone to school here. I think that the environment will allow Juliana to grow and learn and I am confident that it is a good fit. Juliana is less confident – “I don’t want to go to a new school. I don’t have any friends there”. This concern might have worried me a few months ago, but recently she is easily making friends – in the neighborhood, at Kindergarten screening and at the park. She is no longer too shy to talk to kids she doesn’t know. She tells them her name and 2 minutes later they are busy playing.
The biggest remaining issue now is the bus. She tells me that the bus will be scary because she doesn’t have a friend to sit with and that concern is valid. I told her that she might be nervous for the first few days and she will quickly make friends and riding the bus to school will be no big deal. Me – I am dreading that moment on the first day of school when the bus pulls up to the corner. How am I going to smile, wave and hold back the tears and convince her that everything is going to be allright? What if I see tears running down her face as the bus pulls away? What if someone is mean to her? Shouldn’t I be there to keep her safe? I know that we are making the right decision, I know that she will thrive in her new school, I know that she is growing up and that means letting go a little bit more, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Your writing is so bright and vigorous. When can I expect to see a book from you?
JIM
1. What a lovely picture of your lovely daughter.
2. I don’t know that parenting gets easier, per se, it just changes. Kids become less what I call “chore based” (i.e. less about diapering, feeding, etc.) and more what I’ll call “decision” based. Where and how to school our children is fraught — and being a working mom sometimes utterly sucks, IMO. But maybe things will settle down, and you’ll see how J does, and it’ll be okay. And you will go through the same thing with the boys in a bit. 😉
just kidding. Like I said, I just think things change, not necessarily get easier. HUGS!
It’s so different with the boys because they always have each other. I didn’t shed a single tear when they started daycare and for each transition I know that they are going through it together.
But as your Mom, I will be with you after that bus pulls off and let you cry on my shoulder. After all parenting doesn’t get easier, just changes for us all.
But who is going to calm the crying toddlers who are devastated that they can’t get on the bus with her?
Your mom’s comment just made me tear up.
I love Julia’s hair in that picture!
It hasn’t been getting any easier over hear, either. Seems like I’m seeing previews of a moody teenager already with my 6 1/2 year old. Apparently we never let him do anything he wants to do and that’s just not fair.
I don’t even want to think about the teenage years…she is enough of a drama queen now.
I was lucky because the bus picked my kids up at the daycare, so they always had their friends with them. But she’ll do fine. She’ll have friends in a day & will love the bus. Also – that is a beautiful photo.
What a gorgeous picture of my little namesake. Her hair is lovely & so flattering. Jen, she’s growing up so fast, they do though. How quickly the day comes when you’ll be helping her pick out her wedding dress. How well I remember when i went with your mom. It was pretty traumatic. You’ve done such a good job with Juliana, she’s going to be fine, even better than fine. Love, Grama Julie